from Tuesday, February24th of the year2009.
So, I took the red-eye just now from LAX to New York. Right before I got on board, I bought a $3 Dasani Water from the dumb kiosk and swallowed half an Ambien, as is my wont before travel. Okay, so, then, in that Ambien Haze, I sort of allowed the weight of take-off to put me to sleep. It’s a very soothing, almost erotic experience, that pressure; it always reminds me of Giles Corey’s death (which I always forget Really Happen’d and wasn’t just in That Chicken Blood Play). Anyway, the next thing I know, I wake up, and we’re on the ground! Yay! But…something is amiss. Everybody’s just sort of sitting down, and I have the sensation that we’ve been landed for a while. I asked the lady next to me, who informed me that we were in Denver, CO, where we had made an emergency landing because,
…some lady in First Class was freaked out, well, she was on drugs. And so basically she totally freaked out and was running around back and forth, haha, I mean, she sat on your lap for ten minutes, no, just kidding, but seriously, she was running around, and I guess the captain called the police and now we’re in Denver. They tried to order us some Papa John’s but it’s 30 minutes from downtown so we’re just going to get wasted on free cocktails now. She was in First Class; it sounded like a very First Class thing to do.
So I guess the moral of the story is that Ambien really works, because I love nothing more than a crazy lady. I can’t believe I didn’t see it! It would have made the trip so much more worthwhile!